BEST OF THE BEST: African Print (Kitenge) Evening Gowns

You've just been invited as a special guest or someone's +1  in this elite event.

You have no idea what to wear so you google for what our celebrities put on on such events, you know the likes of Groove Awards, Kalasha Awards, Soma Awards...

Though you are new at this, you can tell that what these 'celebrities of ours' wear is mediocre, laughable actually.  

You internationalize your search and well, whatever those actresses and musicians wear is either locally unacceptable or too damn expensive.  So what do you do?

Cancel?

Probably...

But hey, before you do, check out these African Print inspired evening gowns that are achievable, chic and adoptable PLUS, they will make you the absolute belle of the ball!

HIKING THE LONGONOT & S'thing about Overcoming Theft, Cramps & Hailstones

Isn’t it stunningly breathtaking?

’I don’t get why people claim hiking this rim is torturous.’  Until the 29^th January 2017, those, like everyone else, were my thoughts.

WHY LIVING THE 'KENYAN LIFESTYLE' IS SO PATHETIC

Good job (whatever the heck that means), a car, a ka-shamba in shags, a storied retirement house in that ka-shamba, a good spouse and, a side-hustle to bring in petty cash every now and then.

And that ladies and gentlemen are the two sentences that best sum up the very coveted Kenyan lifestyle every one of us is brought up to make happen.

So what does it take to realize this dream?

Image: www.cindbob.info

1930’s:

9 VICES WE INSTALL IN YOUNG GIRLS THAT SCREWS WITH THEIR MULIEBRITY

Ever conversed with a grown-ass woman and was left wondering; How thick can she be? Is this how all women are like? Isn’t she a definite shame to all women?

I have to confess, some of the things that come out of our mouths are painful to listen to.  But hey, before you start flaunting your egotistical self, how about we start from the beginning -  when you unconsciously turned a superbly intelligent girl into a worthless, naive and senseless woman by making her believe these myths?

Image: www.clipartfest.com

1. THERE IS ONLY 1 MAN FOR EVERY 3 WOMEN, SO YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO SHARE:

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard both men and women use this line.  Such are the statements that ‘force’ girls to be okay with the idea of being second or third wives or mistresses because, no matter what they do or how they do it, they’ll never be enough men to marry all of them.

The FACT is, the entire world’s population ratio of men to women is 101 males to 100 females.  In Kenya, the ratio is the same (101:100) up to the age of 65 when it drops slightly to 84:100.

#FLEABAG - A Disturbingly Funny Comedy you Got to be Watching

"You know that feeling when a guy you like sends you a text at two o’clock on a Tuesday night asking if he can come and find you, and you’ve accidentally made it out like you’ve just got in yourself, so you have to get out of bed, drink half a bottle of wine, get in the shower, shave everything, dig out some Agent Provocateur business - suspender belt, the whole bit - and wait by the door until the buzzer goes?  

Image: TVGuide.com

And then you open the door to him like you’ve forgotten he’s coming over.  And then you get to it immediately.  After some pretty standard bouncing, you realize…he’s edging towards your a******e.  But you’re drunk and he made the effort to come all the way here, so you let him.  He’s thrilled!  And then the next morning, you wake, to find him, fully dressed, sat on the side of the bed, gazing at you.  He says that ‘last night was incredible’.  …which you think is an overstatement but then he goes on to say that ‘it was particularly special because I’ve never managed to actually up the bum with anyone before.  And although it’s always been a fantasy of mine, I’ve never found anyone I could do it with.’ (To be fair, he does have a large p***s).  And then, he touches your hair, and thanks you with a genuine earnest.  It’s sort of moving.  Then he kisses you gently, and then he leaves.  And you spend the rest of the day wondering, ‘Do I Have a Massive A******e?"