Ever conversed with a grown-ass woman and was left wondering; How thick can she be? Is this how all women are like? Isn’t she a definite shame to all women?
I have to confess, some of the things that come out of our mouths are painful to listen to. But hey, before you start flaunting your egotistical self, how about we start from the beginning - when you unconsciously turned a superbly intelligent girl into a worthless, naive and senseless woman by making her believe these myths?
1. THERE IS ONLY 1 MAN FOR EVERY 3 WOMEN, SO YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO SHARE:
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard both men and women use this line. Such are the statements that ‘force’ girls to be okay with the idea of being second or third wives or mistresses because, no matter what they do or how they do it, they’ll never be enough men to marry all of them.
The FACT is, the entire world’s population ratio of men to women is 101 males to 100 females. In Kenya, the ratio is the same (101:100) up to the age of 65 when it drops slightly to 84:100.
-If you ever come across someone trying to justify this myth, just laugh their stupidity off-
2. ALL MEN CHEAT:
It’s such a shame that this cliche myth is highly preached during bridal showers by sengas, close family and friends. Soon-to-brides are told ‘a man only belongs to you when he’s in the house. Akishatoka ni wa dunia.’ And so girls are prepped to not get jealous or in the Kenyan language, ‘kujitafutia stress.’ After all, once he's done with his philandering, he’ll come back. Thus, the key is to forgive and move on.
Thanks to this belief, there are countless women who actually buy their men condoms OR, who go for an STD check-up every 3 months coz ‘he could have picked something out there’.
If I was a man, and I believe every man sees it this way, and my wife was ‘okay’ with me cheating, I certainly wouldn’t feel an iota of regret/shame/remorse when cheating. Come the end of the day, she’ll forgive and move on.
3. YOU HAVE TO HAVE KIDS IN YOUR 20'S LEST YOU HAVE MENTALLY AND/OR PHYSICALLY CUM ABNORMAL KIDS:
A while back, I attended a high-school reunion. 95% of those present were mothers, some with even three kids! Yet, there I was, still single, still motherless. You should have heard the girls, telling me how my eggs have started shrinking, how if I wait till I’m in my thirties, I may have an ‘abnormal’ child, or that I may never get pregnant, and how my kids will be ashamed of me coz I’ll look like their grandma…
These are the kind of baseless reasons that make girls rush into marriages and/or pregnancies for fear of the unknown. And for that, they spend their twenties parenting instead of improving their education, building their careers, enjoying life and properly planning for the future.
Result: women who are constantly complaining about gender discrimination in the work place, poor pay, et cetera.
4. WHAT A MAN CAN DO, A WOMAN CAN DO BETTER:
Whenever we use this statement to encourage girls, we are but deterring their likelihood to become successful. We are making them WANT to do the very same things men are doing (to prove themselves). And that’s not all, we are also making them measure their success rate based on boy’s/men’s performance. To them, they sky is never the limit. If they do it better than men, that’s an achievement!
What we need to educate them is that they should challenge themselves. Not desire to do what men do, but invent new ways, techniques and systems that will make them successful. And as any Class 1 pupil will tell you, 1kg of cotton = 1kg of stone.
5. THE WAY TO A MAN'S HEART IS THROUGH THE STOMACH:
Since it's believed that the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach, girls have to learn how to cook. This is despite the fact that from Class 1 to 8, boys and girls are taught the same subjects and Home Science is none of them. In high school, the subject is only taught in 1% of schools. But since we have made it mandatory for her to learn how to, she have to set aside time off her busy schedule to learn how to.
Interestingly, we expect her to have a career just like the man (be an equal partner) while at the same time be home to take care of the babies, the house, cook and welcome the husband with warm hands and freshly cooked meal when he comes home from work.
However, if the way to a man’s heart is truly through the stomach, the way to a woman’s heart ought to be through his wallet. Thus, if he wants her cooking, he better be willing to take care of all the finances, and, if he wants a financially independent woman, be rich enough to hire a chef.
6. GIRLS HAVE TO BE DOCILE, PRETTY, INNOCENT, FRIENDLY...:
We call our girls angels and princesses. We teach our girls to talk gracefully, laugh elegantly, sit with class, walk high and tall… Then, we warn them off against engaging in acts associated with ‘kihii’ - like climbing trees. Ooh, not forgetting that we laugh off boys who ‘throws, slaps or fights ‘like a girl’. Shout at those who cry like girls. Constantly use the phrases ‘you are such a sissy’ or ask them to ‘wacha umama.’
Well, right there is how we give birth and raise zombie-like women who are too weak, extremely naive and exceedingly stupid to thrive in a society where survival is for the fittest.
7. YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIS LAST NAME AFTER GETTING WED:
Why aren’t a girl’s two or three names enough? If she’s not identifying with her father, she has to identify with the husband. Isn’t this a way of teaching girls that they aren’t sufficient enough? That for them to belong, be known or make something out of themselves, they have to ‘belong’ to a man?
Isn’t it plain stupid to teach our girls the need to become independent and equal partners yet imprison their identities under a man’s name?
What's even worse is that with the high rates of dysfunctional families and divorce, these women end up remaining prisoners of their fathers/husband's last names.
8. FEMALES HAVE TO SUBMIT TO THEIR MEN:
Almost all women, regardless of their distinct beliefs, are constantly advised by their elders to submit (for it’s the only way a marriage can work). The earlier they accept that he’s the HEAD, the easier the marriage will be, they are told. After all, they came from his rib!
Trust me, that works, because all you’ll ever be is a respectful, loving, all accepting, and forgiving doormat.
No need to bring what the your ancestors, the Bible or Quran says here, instead, focus on what is healthy to you and your marriage for there is no use having a long lasting yet oppressive marriage. And though the Bible says wives should submit to their husbands as they do to God, you have to acknowledge that God is God - PERFECT; and well, man is a creature like you, a sinner like everyone else, imperfect, probably less smarter than you…thus incomparable to the most high.
SUBMITTING is definitely not the answer, as it's incomparable to having a mutually respectful and loving relationship.
9. YOU GOT TO THINK LIKE A MAN AND ACT LIKE A LADY:
Since Steve Harvey coined this one out, a lot of girls are being urged to live by it - think like men, act like ladies. What does this mean? Pretty simple! There’s something wrong with a girl’s way of thinking! This is despite the fact that men and women brains are wired differently; from their anatomy to their functionality and presence of neuro-chemicals.
What these girls need to hear is that their brains and thoughts are extraordinarily smart and can put into action whatever it is they think...not that BS about doing this like a man and that like a lady.