Monday, 14 May 2018

Dear Black People Part I: White South Africans Pose Burning Questions to Blacks

How and Why do they do that?

There are questions that many of us wish we had answers to regarding certain behaviours predominant among members of a given race.

For the first time, white South Africans had a chance to ask their fellow blacks anything - and here are their most disturbing Questions:

Disclosure: Nothing Racist. Simply Hilarious.
Why do y’all hate your natural hair so much?  You pay hundreds of Rands for weaves and s**t when you’ve got these natural curls that are so gorgeous?

Black girls who wear weaves come into the gym looking good as ever and just before their training session, remove the weave and have these untidy plaits, why do you do this?  It’s disturbing!

Why is there always a large stuffed animal (usually lion or tiger) net to a box of tissues at the back windscreen of a car?

How on earth are you able to fit so many people into any given vehicle?  My BMW seats 5 in total then it feels full and cramped.

Do you have heat resistant palms?  The way you spoon boiling stew onto your open palm, to check seasoning without flinching petrifies me.

I wanna know why African men stop on the side of the road and just pee out in the open, even when there is a garage with a toilet like 1km away.

What is up with that one long fingernail you all grow?  Do you start clipping and then lose interest, or do you use that pinky nail as a pocket knife?

When with family/friends shopping in the mall - why oh why do you need to walk abreast each other and block the entire aisle so no-one can pass you?

What is it with wrapping your babies up in 500 blankets even in mid-summer.  I told a lady once she must unwrap her baby because it was sweating - and well, if looks could kill!

Why drive a GTI, have DSTV and an iPhone but still stay in a squatter camp?  I got my fellow worker a nice place to stay for cheap in safe residential area, but he didn’t want to move. 

Q: Can we discuss the shaved eyebrows that are then drawn back as squares?
A: Hey bro, that’s one sensitive matter even us black guys aren’t allowed to even question.

I’m black but I got a question for black people too.  Why do we have sounds for everything?  Like ‘the car was going fast it went - shwi shwi past the other cars.’  The rain was pouring man like ‘shwa’ and the thunder was like ‘thwa thwa thwa.’
Q: Why do black people have a tissue box on the back window of the car…it’s not like you can reach them while driving?
A: I bought a car in April.  I spent a week worried about the fact that I hadn’t bought a box of tissues.  I bought that box a week later.  Since April I have used no more than 5 sheets of tissues from that box.  It’s at the back of the car.  Last week, I needed tissue while driving.  I looked back and I realized I will never reach that box.  Still, haven’t moved it closer though.  It’ll stay there. It belongs there.

How do you stomach the bones of a chicken?  I know wasting is bad but y’all eat the whole damn thing?

Why do you all eat bones until they’ve reduced to dust?  Someone even asked if they can have my bones that I had already sucked so they can chew on them.

Why do black parents keep drumsticks and thighs to themselves and give kids skinny wings?  This still haunts me.

Why do you like dipping your bread in your tea/coffee before eating?

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